prince albert pic
March 28, 2013 | by Loren Berthelsen
Me and My PA

I love my PA.  I really do.  It’s the sexiest and nastiest piercing I have.  It’s given me years of tingly pleasure and has been the topic of more than a few conversations.

But my PA can be messy, expensive and downright obnoxious.  If you’ve got one, you know.

The Messy Bits

The whole bleeding like a stuck pig when the evil lesbian piercer stabbed a railroad tie through my cock was bad enough, but my PA has been a messy companion for almost 20 years and I’ve never completely tamed it.  I’m talking about the uncanny propensity my PA has to spray piss in any and every direction except where it’s intended.  I try turning it this way, or that way.  No luck.  I try holding my finger against the bottom hole.  That just gives me a dripping hand.  I try holding my finger harder against the bottom hole.  Now I  just spray willy nilly…but with more force.  I twist the ring left…then right.  Nope.  It’s a given that my trips to the bathroom are always announced to everyone by the giant wet spot on either or both of my pants legs.

Of course I could sit down and I usually do at home.  After all, it’s one thing to irrigate the wall and floor at a public restroom but I have to clean mine at home myself!  I’m not completely nasty ;-)

You have to approach your receptacle of choice carefully and use your motor skills to maintain that intricate balance.  You want to get close enough to increase your chances of the urinal catching the spray but not so close that you actually come in to contact with the urinal.  Gross.  And geez, be sure to watch it with the post piss shake.  There’s nothing more guaranteed to elicit a frightened stare from a co-urinating buddy at the next stall than the sound of your double zero gauge PA coming in to contact with porcelain.  It’s funny that in all these years no one in a public bathroom has ever sucked up their cojones enough to ask me what that noise was.  Course we’re not talking about gay bars here.  There I’m more than likely standing back a bit cause those urinals are really skanky and all the better to show it off and besides the other guy is probably looking anyway.

If all you’ve got to work with is a toilet then stand back and let er rip.  Seat up?  Seat down? Absolutely no difference cause you’re gonna soak everything anyway.  Just try to not get it on the guy’s shoes in the next stall.  That’s tough to explain.  Unless his stance is wide, then it’s all on.

Cha-Ching!

You must be prepared to feed your piercing lots of expensive jewelry.  You get lured in with the very reasonably priced 8 gauge starter ring but of course you can’t wait to size up, and up, and up.  Before you know it you’re sporting behemothical double zeros with beads the size of grapes that cost you $95 buck a pop.  And the thing you’ll quickly discover is that those balls on the ends of your bent barbell will always fall off and roll directly in to the nearest hole, or drain, or in my case once, down my pants leg and along the aisle in Home Depot with me scrambling like a rugby scrum after it.  All to no avail as it rolled directly under an industrial weight shelving unit holding 5 million tons of gardening mulch.  I couldn’t think of a way to explain what happened to anybody working there that wouldn’t involve gesticulating suggestively at my groin.  It’s probably still under there.

The thing you’ll also discover is that even if you take the ring back to the exact spot where you bought it, they will absolutely never have the same ball, thereby requiring you to purchase an entirely new $95-double-zero-made-in-Germany-from-aircraft-stainless-steel ring.  I have a drawer full of forlorn ball-less PAs.

Ummm…Hell No!

The other thing you have to be prepared for is the abject horror that your proud piercing will elicit in potential sex parters.  Especially potential ORAL sex partners.   Apparently the only possible outcome of your pierced beauty entering their mouth  is the complete destruction of their dental work.  And forget it if your potential partner has had expensive orthodonture. Hahaha!  Never happen.

To be fair their fear is not entirely without merit.  I’ve clattered a few teeth in my day for sure and you definitely want to watch, shall we say, the enthusiasm of your swing.

The Payoff

So, given that you’ll spend the rest of your life pissing on yourself like an incontinent duffer and you’ll always be shelling out moola for new jewelry, AND your potential sex partner pool will dwindle substantially, why in the hell would anyone get a PA?

Because it’s hands down the most erotic thing you can do to your johnson.  The intensity of orgasms go up for most guys and the weight of having a honking double zero piece of industrial gear bissecting your cock head is a major turn on.

Plus, it just looks really nasty and sexy and who doesn’t want to look like that!

 

 

 

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