Sailor

About Sailor

Owned and operated by her loving dominant, Sailor identifies as a sober, genderqueer, switchy, service submissive and volunteering addict with a particular appreciation for ageplay, sharp objects, and hard, thuddy things. She currently co-hosts three events: "Transmission" for kinky trans folks, their friends, and their lovers and "Vibe" for kinky people of color and people who love and support them (both of those are held at SF Citadel), and the San Francisco Littles Munch (at Wicked Grounds) for people who're into or curious about age play. When not serving her dominant or her community, or running around in a dungeon Sailor enjoys, reading, writing, hanging out with friends, and conversations over good coffee. You can read more of Sailor's writing on her blog at sailoralecs.tumblr.com, or by following her on Twitter at @sailoralecs.

Service Crushes

I swear! Service crushes are like the weirdest things! They’re not necessarily propelled by romantic or sexual attraction, but (in my experience) rather by desires of being steered in a certain direction by someone who just energetically feels right, and of assisting them to make their lives easier. It’s hard to explain. But some people […]

By |July 30th, 2014|Opinion|0 Comments

What It Is That We Do

Some time ago, on “that other social networking site” I read a post by a known member of our community talking about how she feels some people are treating WIITWD (what it is that we do). Her direct quote was:

“BDSM is not a circus sideshow. It’s a means to a connection between people. Going through […]

By |July 18th, 2014|Community, Opinion|0 Comments

The Importance of Consent

I was recently invited to join a newly formed organization for kinky queers. After discussing logistical details, one of the things I was introduced to was the all important “No A**hole Rule. But what exactly does that mean? To me, it means conducting oneself in a way that’s respectful to the people around, to the […]

By |January 21st, 2014|Opinion|0 Comments

What Being a Switch Mean to Me, and My Journey Getting There

As a queer-identified person, coming out was, and still is and integral part of growth and process of learning who I am. Just like many people in the kink world, I have experienced many coming outs. I first acknowledged I was disabled when I was 10; I came out as gay when I was 16, […]

By |July 19th, 2013|Opinion|0 Comments

What I Would Tell a Person New to Kink

I see a lot of posts around of new folks asking for tips on all sorts of things like how to meet a play partner (or a dominant, a submissive, an owner…etc), how to start talking to people, how to dress…etc. And while I hold no leather title, am not an internationally recognized kink educator, […]

By |March 24th, 2013|Community, Education, Opinion|1 Comment

Interview with Sassafras Lowrey

photo by Syd London

I love creative people. As an avid writer and a lover of visual art, I find that nothing gets my creativity going more than when I come across works of art that aren’t only technically impressive, but that I can appreciate on a personal and emotional level. Sassafras Lowrey is an award […]

By |February 20th, 2013|Books, Interviews|0 Comments

On “Women and Trans Parties”…

This is obviously something that’s been talked about quite a bit, and if you’ve read my writings before, I may have even written on this subject in the past I don’t mean to dig up old sores. It’s just that something on my feed a friend of mine posted on a certain thread (on Fetlife) got me thinking…

“Woman and trans parties”…I know people who host a regular event that fits this description, and they are people who’ve become very dear to me in the time we’ve known each other. They produce and host great events that I, and people I’ve gone with have had a lot of fun at, and they do it really well. It is not them that I have a problem with. In fact I don’t have a problem with any of the people I know who host such events. It is the ideas that often get pushed forth when an event is billed as a “woman and trans event” that I have a problem with…that in a way I’m afraid of. Ideas that I don’t think a lot of folks who host these awesome events even have an idea of.

[…]

By |December 1st, 2012|Community|5 Comments

On "Women and Trans Parties"…

This is obviously something that’s been talked about quite a bit, and if you’ve read my writings before, I may have even written on this subject in the past I don’t mean to dig up old sores. It’s just that something on my feed a friend of mine posted on a certain thread (on Fetlife) got me thinking…

“Woman and trans parties”…I know people who host a regular event that fits this description, and they are people who’ve become very dear to me in the time we’ve known each other. They produce and host great events that I, and people I’ve gone with have had a lot of fun at, and they do it really well. It is not them that I have a problem with. In fact I don’t have a problem with any of the people I know who host such events. It is the ideas that often get pushed forth when an event is billed as a “woman and trans event” that I have a problem with…that in a way I’m afraid of. Ideas that I don’t think a lot of folks who host these awesome events even have an idea of.

[…]

By |December 1st, 2012|Community|5 Comments

Advice for the Cisgendered

Editor’s note:  Althought not specifically leather/kink related, I like this article because regardless of the skin we wear or the sex we have, we can all use an occasional primer on personal interactions.

I generally don’t talk or write that much about my gender here…or really at most places ’cause I’d like to think that those who’s opinions on me I really care about already know in some manner. I’ve done a lot of workshops related to the topic (gender and gender identity that is, not MY gender specifically) because although I don’t really fancy myself an “educator” in any way, I as a member of the trans and genderqueer communities, would like to think that people in general have the potential to treat people like us with respect if they are informed, and given the opportunity. In that spirit, I’d like to offer my cisgendered friends the following (hopefully helpful) suggestions:

If the subject comes up, and I tell you that:  a)I identify as trans/genderqueer/gender-fluid, and that b) my pronoun of choice is “she” just respect what I just said, and TRY to remember it.

Again, I’m pretty up front about my gender identity if asked, and I am generally really easy going as far as pronouns go. Slip ups happen. All I ask is that people try to remember. However, if I tell you my identity and pronoun of choice and you start making me prove it, or say some BS thing like “you don’t LOOK trans we’ve got problems.

If you screw up on my pronoun and identity, apologies are fine, but don’t make excuses, don’t try to blame me, and just simply don’t do it again.

On a related note, if you have a question about what pronoun a friend of mine goes by, don’t ask ME, ask THEM!

This is honestly not so bad when it comes to crap people do. It’s just that if you have a question about someone’s identity, and you’ve got it in you to ask it, why not just ask the person? Just ’cause I identify as trans doesn’t mean that I’m going to know how another trans person identifies. Even if I do, more often than not I don’t want to be put in a position where I’m talking about, or speaking for someone else. Save yourself a step, and spare me the risk of feeling more awkward and just ask the person. if they say they don’t wanna talk about it, just move on but I’m not another trans person’s spokesperson.

[…]

By |February 8th, 2012|Community|6 Comments