I am a long time sadist and leather top. However I took a older versatile boy home and somehow he flipped me. He didn't do any S&M activities just hot hardcore piggy fucking. The problem is that in my community this is viewed as unacceptable. I have very intense feeling for him but it is messing with my head to the point I am even considering moving out of town.
Not a boy, yet has a Daddy
Dear Not a boy…
My first question to you is this. How are problems with your actions manifesting themselves? Are you finding yourself unable to continue to fulfill yourself as a sadist and leather top? Are subs not respectful of you because you like to get fucked by a particular boy? Or do you perceive it's unacceptable behavior for a top to enjoy being fucked and you find yourself needing to limit your activities in order to be able to feel fulfilled and competent with the rest of your sexuality?
If your community is disparaging you or your reputation – stand up for yourself. Remind those who challenge you that one's competence as Sadist or Dom has nothing to do with one's desire to enjoy sex in either an active or passive manner. There is no small number of tops out there who enjoy being fucked or giving a great blowjob. Those are sexual activities which may or may not involve power exchange. Not every interaction is about power exchange. Sometimes hot sex is simply hot sex. If any specific person challenges your right to identify as a Sadist, call them out. Ask them to publicly state that they never have sex without it being in the context of an SM experience. Ask them to publicly state that they live their life 24/7 as a Dominant in all aspects of their life. We are all complex beings with a variety of different selves living in us. Our work self may be quiet and subdued, while our power self is a strict Dominant. I believe that it is a very rare person whose various selves are all aligned in the same fashion.