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Ask Leatherati: Not a boy, Yet Has a Daddy

Dear Leatherati
I am a long time sadist and leather top. However I took a older versatile boy home and somehow he flipped me. He didn't do any S&M activities just hot hardcore piggy fucking. The problem is that in my community this is viewed as unacceptable. I have very intense feeling for him but it is messing with my head to the point I am even considering moving out of town.  
Signed,
Not a boy, yet has a Daddy
 
Dear Not a boy… 
My first question to you is this.  How are problems with your actions manifesting themselves?  Are you finding yourself unable to continue to fulfill yourself as a sadist and leather top?  Are subs not respectful of you because you like to get fucked by a particular boy?  Or do you perceive it's unacceptable behavior for a top to enjoy being fucked and you find yourself needing to limit your activities in order to be able to feel fulfilled and competent with the rest of your sexuality?
If your community is disparaging you or your reputation – stand up for yourself.  Remind those who challenge you that one's competence as Sadist or Dom has nothing to do with one's desire to enjoy sex in either an active or passive manner.  There is no small number of tops out there who enjoy being fucked or giving a great blowjob.  Those are sexual activities which may or may not involve power exchange.  Not every interaction is about power exchange.  Sometimes hot sex is simply hot sex. If any specific person challenges your right to identify as a Sadist, call them out.  Ask them to publicly state that they never have sex without it being in the context of an SM experience.  Ask them to publicly state that they live their life 24/7 as a Dominant in all aspects of their life.  We are all complex beings with a variety of different selves living in us.  Our work self may be quiet and subdued, while our power self is a strict Dominant.  I believe that it is a very rare person whose various selves are all aligned in the same fashion.

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By |December 14th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Wants to Boogie

Dear Leatherati,
Why don't leathermen dance? 
Maybe this is just a generational thing. But still, I want to know. Dancing has been around forever. As a gay boy, I love to dance when I go out to the clubs, but traditionally, when you go to a leatherbar, no one dances. There might be a DJ […]

By |December 5th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: HardOnWomen

Dear Lucesco by way of Master Leatherati,
Master Leatherati, as a young leather fetishist i get really annoyed and angry at the presence of so many women in leather events for men and you seem to show a whole lot of them
How would I be treated if I brought this up? would i be ostracized. i feel very strongly about the subject and would not hold back. and please stop focusing so much on women. they get so much attention as is.
Thanks,
HardOnWomen
Dear HardOnWomen,
I thought long and hard before answering your question. I realized that your question is so personal to you that it would be hard to properly address it without asking you a number of further questions. So instead I am going to relate something about my own relationship to women and then let it wrap back around to your question.
In quite abbreviated form, I too have never had a very healthy relationship with women. My father taught me to be a proper misogynist and often joked that women “were a mistake waiting to happen”. When I came out, it was my mother’s reaction to my honesty that hurt me the most because I loved her and found her love for me (at the time) to be quite conditional, certainly exclusive of my being gay.

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By |November 10th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|3 Comments

Ask Leatherati: EuroPure

Dear Lucesco,
I'm wondering why the leather scene in Europe is almost all gay men who share masculine fetish, and here in North America it seems to be more and more in favour for the idea that all that is required to be a leatherman is taking it as an identity. When I saw a straight woman in a dress at a leather bar, I couldn't believe my eyes.
I am currently finished on a trip to North America with my partner/Master and there is one thing that is missing from your leather bars: leathermen. At least what we in Europe see as leathermen are absent.
Why the huge disconnect across the sea? What we see as leather culture in Europe appears to be very different from what you show in North America. Has anybody ever tried to open a European-style leather bar that is men only with a dress code of leather and fetish gear? I would think that it could be a good opportunity for somebody with the capital. Maybe without women, more leathermen would come out?
Regards
Thanks, EuroPure

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By |October 12th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Toxic Tops & bottoms

Dear Lucesco,
There are and have been lots of toxic tops/bottoms within the scene. Should they be outed? If someone is about to play with them, should they be warned?
Thanks,ToxicToYou
 
Dear ToxicToYou,
Before answering your question, I discussed it with several of the people in the kink community who I highly respect. I discovered there is […]

By |October 5th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Toxic Tops & bottoms

Dear Lucesco,
There are and have been lots of toxic tops/bottoms within the scene. Should they be outed? If someone is about to play with them, should they be warned?
Thanks,ToxicToYou
 
Dear ToxicToYou,
Before answering your question, I discussed it with several of the people in the kink community who I highly respect. I discovered there is […]

By |October 5th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Nubian King

Dear Lucesco
I am a young 19 year old black submissive here in beautiful San Francisco. I feel invisible within the kink community because I feel as if none of the older men I like in San Francisco will give me the time of day, however I can go anywhere else and get […]

By |September 28th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|1 Comment

Ask Leatherati: Young Boner

Dear Lucesco,
I have a question; what would an old guard leatherman say to all the women and transgender folks at all these events. frankly its a massive boner killer and it really really offends me. Not due to tradition but just cos to me at this young point in my life leather is […]

By |September 21st, 2011|Ask Leatherati|1 Comment

Ask Leatherati: Real Purpose of Leather Events?

Dear Lucesco,
What is the real purpose of a leather event and why should we keep having them?
Thanks,GetOutaTheHouse
 
Dear GetOutaTheHouse,
Your question has hit a nerve with a number of kinky people all over the world in the last few years; identified in all sorts of sub-categorizations such a leatherfolk, rubberists, fisters, tea partiers, I mean tea baggers… Technology has added a new and disruptive layer to meeting and connecting with other like-minded sexual explorers. Along with other factors, such as associations assigned to certain generations of men and women, costs of doing business, and the ebb and flow of leaders or mentors, our kink culture and identifiable community is changing over time.

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By |September 14th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Questioning Huffer

Dear Lucesco,
I’ve heard Black Jack, Maximum Impact, and similar inhalants damage your liver. Is that true? Is there a reason to choose one over another?
Thanks,QuestioningHuffer
Dear QuestioningHuffer,

I am a trained librarian. So when I think about answering a question, I try to also think about the underlying question. In person, this entails carefully interviewing the patron at hand. Without that availability, I believe that you are not only asking about using inhalants, but how to make decisions about taking different levels of risk in your sex play.

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By |September 7th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|1 Comment

Ask Leatherati: DomInSF

Dear Lucesco,

How do I know the difference between a power-based relationship and an abusive relationship?

Thanks,DomInSF
Dear DomInSF,
Before commenting on your question, let me preface that I am not a professional psychologist. Now, every situation works differently for different people. Situations even resonate differently for each one of us over time; what […]

By |August 31st, 2011|Ask Leatherati|0 Comments

Ask Leatherati: Ain’t No Hazel

Dear Lucesco,
What is the best way to get blood and Crisco stains out of the guest linens before Mom arrives?
Thanks,Ain't No Hazel
Dear Ain't No Hazel,
Intense play can sometimes leave a goo trail on the sheets. So here is a simple primer on getting rid of some different stains.
BLOOD a/o SHIT […]

By |August 24th, 2011|Ask Leatherati|2 Comments