Isadora Alman, MFT, reports in a blog on Psychology Today about a recent Sexology Seminar. Really interesting stuff in here.
The very first sexual science symposium I attended was more than twenty years ago. It has remained memorable to me for the following event: The room was filled to capacity. A dignitary from a related field was presenting to the rapt audience of fellow professionals his research on the estrus cycles of apes, their influence on the apes’ mating habits, and its relevance to human sexual choices. “Early every morning,” he began, “I would approach the cages of the female bonobos and, with a very long cotton swab, I would collect a sample of their vaginal secretions…” From behind me a loud whisper interrupted with the comment “For this he went to graduate school?”
The Sexology Symposium for the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region took place in Palm Springs mid April 2010. Here is a smattering of tidbits I garnered from various presentations, none of which involved the vaginal secretions of apes but struck me as interesting nonetheless.
* An online survey of 1000+ respondents yielded the following results: the median age for cheating for men and women is 36-45. Males are more likely to see cheating as genital contact; females more likely to consider cheating to be emotional connection. Males most often cheat for excitement and to live out their fantasies, women for attention. Males are more likely to feel they can get away with cheating. Females and younger people are more likely to see cheating for any reason as wrong. Older people tend to consider a sexless marriage/relationship justification for cheating.
* Three basic nurturing experiences innate in infancy form the foundation for later emotional, romantic and sexual intimacy: breathing together and holding, eye gazing, and suckling/kissing.
* One of the reasons lust often gets lost in long term relationships is that we learn quite early to inhibit such feelings within the family and that as intimacy increases with a longtime partner and he/she becomes “family” that may trigger those inhibitions.
* Recently some sexual scientists have been using sexual orientation to describe other strong sexual interests beyond a predilection for males, females, or both. The idea that BDSM, pedophilia, bestiality, or a strong fetishistic involvement might be seen as lifelong sexual orientations was explored.
* Among practitioners of BDSM full time Master/slave relationships are the most structured of all relationship types. There can be a variety of subtypes such as Daddy/boy, dominant/submissive, top/bottom.
* Contrary to many popular assumptions, the researchers into relationships among long term gay male couples (8+ years) had no trouble finding such subject couples. Couples who were willing to talk about the negotiations of conducting non-monogamous relationships were harder to find. Those who felt they had successful open relationships exhibited a wide range of non-monogamy styles. Key variables included (1)whether outside sex was conducted jointly, independently, or both, (2)the amount of emotional involvement with outsiders sought and permitted, and (3) the degree to which partners disclosed information. This latter point mirrored a key issue into my own earlier research on both gay and heterosexual couples’ agreements about sex outside the relationship. I found that whether to discuss outside involvements or not to be a major bone of contention. I labeled differing communication styles as Tell-Alls and Say Nothings, those who wanted to share details ands those who definitely did not. Contradicting a widely held belief that non-monogamous gay couples have little or no sex with each other, 75% of the 85 couples in this reported study still had active sex lives together.
* Touch can be healing, affectionate, sensual, erotic, or sexual. It is important to define the difference for oneself.
* Desire is often thought of as an emotion that strikes one, that one feels or does not – on/off, easy to detect, involves fantasy, and focuses on genital feelings. For many women desire is not genital, is slow-acting, exists in discrepancy between thoughts and genital lubrication, and is sometimes the result of sexual activity rather than preceding it.
* A healthy sexuality tolerates flexibility. Sex therapists need to normalize and tolerate ambivalence.
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