I'm Not Goofy!

aka...the invasion of the BFFs

Loren Berthelsen, Editor in Chief

I was holding up a post at the Stompers Boots open house BBQ at Dore Alley this weekend, chatting with a friend and former IML titleholder (and major hottie), when I heard him say, "I'm not Goofy!"  Context is probably called for.  

Topics of conversation depend largely on context of course.  In Palm Springs, leather men talk about the real estate market and individual happiness levels depends largely on when you bought.  At festivals like Dore and Folsom, conversations eventually get around to the topic of "the others", ie tourists, stroller people and the gawkers.  

In the old days, Dore Alley, which actually started on Ringold Alley and moved to the small, then grimy and industrial Dore Alley a couple of years later, was purely for us leather folk.  It was a one block barely-legal festival with a couple of vendors and a beer booth and lots of cruising and a fair amount of semi-clandestine street sex.  The gear quotient was high and the testosterone higher.

Long after the Folsom Street Fair was abdicated to the lookee-loos, we agreed we still had Dore.  Not so much anymore.  To be fair, Dore still tries to be largely for and about the leather crowd, especially if you go early and split at the first stroller sighting.  But anywhere we gather in numbers to celebrate as sexual outlaws, the curious and the titillated are not far behind.  Street fairs, Pride festivals and our leather bars are under seige (overrun?) from what I call the "BFFs"  

I don't strictly mean that they're really Best Friends Forever, more that they're indicative of a mentality: giggling, wide-eyed, mock horrified invaders who don't belong but are drawn by the power of transgressive sexuality.  Unfortunately, they treat it exactly like an outing to Disneyland and every one and every thing is entertainment.

Enter hottie former IML and his equally hot sub.  They were on their way to the Stompers party when a bunch of BFFs stopped them to ask if they could take a picture.  It happens a thousand times at Dore and, giving credit where credit is due, they did ask first.  They just wanted to capture a couple of "leather guys" in their "leather costumes" so they could Facebook about the "OMG, totally awesome" street fair they went to.  

His response?  "This isn't Disneyland and I'm not Goofy".

People go to Dore for lots of reasons and being extreme is high on the list.  People also just like gear up and go for cruising and socializing.  That was totally the case here.  They were geared up but not costumed up.  Big difference.  But you have to know the difference and BFFs don't.  It was outside their norm, it was extreme (for them) therefore it must be a costume and must be i-chronicled.

What's the proper action/reaction to the BFFs invading our spaces?  Most people just try to ignore them and chalk it up to the price we pay for becoming increasingly mainstream.  Mostly we're polite and tolerant because we're inculcated to believe that everyone has a right to be anywhere at anytime but I think we should challenge that attitude.  

We need to welcome people in to our spaces when they also share (or want to learn how to share) our unique beliefs and culture.  BFFs slumming at the local leather bar and giggling at the porn on the screen are invading not sharing.  They're never going to join our tribe.  They're never going to give us anything of value and they're never going to go away until they've consumed everything and moved on.

In the old days our haunts were in places BFFs didn't go.  Now we're cheek by jowl with condos and upscale bistros.  In the old days our atmosphere was unfamiliar, dangerous and (often overtly) unwelcoming to those who didn't belong.  Now we're friendly and throw open the doors cause we need to stay in business and we're scared to discriminate.

I think we need to be more discriminating, to use the secondary definition of being selective.  I love sharing some hot alt sex space with all of my tribe but I get really pissy when I have to step around BFFs who have bellied up to my literal and figurative bar.  You do not belong.  Go away.  I'm afraid that at some point some one is going to say "one of these things is not like the others" and they're going to be looking at me.

We need to protect our space, and apparently we need to protect it aggressively from BFF encroachment.  I heard a heart warming tale of guys in Toronto doing occasional "commando raids" where they sweep through the Eagle in their biggest baddest boots and beware the flip flop shod BFF who is too slow to move life and limb to another part of the bar that doesn't have a dress code.  I hope it's not just an urban legend.

Reclaim and reward.  Let's reclaim our leather/kink/fetish/pig world and send the BFFs packing and the reap the reward of hot sexual energy.  I want us to stop inviting our non-kinky mothers and vanilla neighbors to our events and our bars.  Let's stop diluting our energy.  I never want to feel even the slightest bit of embarrassment that someone in the bar might be offended by the video of a guy elbow deep in a hot fisting scene.  

Goodbye BFFs....as my grandma used to say, "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya."

Comments

[Bootblackblast]

I look at it this way. Yes, we are having a public street party to express our fetishes, our freedom to be ourselves, our gear, our family. Though we are doing it on a public street in a public venue. I hate the baby strollers and lookie loos with cameras as much as the next guy.

I don't mind the Castro clones and the people who at least TRY to dress the part. It's the ones who put NO and I mean NO EFFORT into trying to add something to the atmosphere of the party. If you aren't adding your own personal flavor you are detracting from it. At least make an attempt, put on jeans, boots, and walk around topless. Borrow a harness or a vest, pick up that first armband from a vendor, or fuck it and go nude. TRY to ADD something to our party. That's all I ask

[William "Rubberwilli" Schendel]

So what is our obligations when we go "out of the bars and into the streets?" I understand the "I'm not goofy" mentality, but isn't that a missed opportunity for dialogue that could change someones mind. Not everyone should be required to engage in that dialogue, but when we go out of the bars and into the streets, we open ourselves up to this voyeurism and place ourselves on the public stage. Is that an opportunity to "recruit or educate" the larger public on our lifestyle?

It's not a private party at the citadel, it's a public street. As long as there is some respect and curiosity that seems genuine, I am much more inclined to talk them through it and answer questions in public, but I have no patience for lookie loo intrusions into our bars or play spaces.

I'm a "dress code Nazi" and I'll haul your ass out of the bar the minute you start re-adjusting to your personal dress code once you are past the door. I could give a shit that I'm not an employee of the bar, you violate the dress code, you violate my space. You wanna play with the big boys, you gotta be prepared and make a genuine effort. In the streets, I'll make the effort to educate and inform...as long as there's not a piece of ass I am pursuing.

[John Boslooper]

Most times lately, I can never seem to quite put things into words as well as I used to. Your article got right to the point and described my disappointment with my dealings in the community (mostly locally).

I am still to this day ridiculed even by my own close friends over my abrupt change in lifestyle. It makes me sick to feel that those around me look at me like a Cedar Point attraction.

Respect will be given to those who give it in return. If you show up at our venues, stop the giggling, and enjoy what it is you came for.

[Papa Tony]

This is why gay restaurant/bars are no longer allowing bachelorette parties. It's cruel and tacky for these hetero women to celebrate their upcoming weddings in gay bars, since we can't share their happiness until the laws change and we can get married legally.

[Tommy T.]

Spilled beer is a great way to annoint or annoy, depending on the recipient's attitude. A natural selection process, harmless but effective. How long would a beer-soaked BFF last?