Mike Gerle, IML 2007, takes on the crisis of identity and authenticity in our leather titleholder community in this insightful and hard-hitting article. The topic he's confronting will be uncomfortable for some in our community which makes it all the more important that this discussion begins to take place. This article also recently appeared in print for Instigator Magazine.
As I lay there in bed pondering my participation in some recent local fundraisers, I became more and more unsettled and had to ask myself why I was feeling so pissed off. Why was I unsettled by an event that raised a bunch of money for a worthy cause? Hell, all the fundraisers that weekend raised a bunch of money for several different causes. So, what sort of asshole am I to bemoan such charitable acts?
If for no other reason, it is driving the kinky men I want to hook up with out of the few spaces we have left. This is cock-blocking on an enormous scale.
The proliferation of leather carpetbaggers is threatening to erode the very core of what we are as a community. As I understand it, that core has always been the special magic we create via specialized radical sexual behavior and rituals non-kinky people just don’t understand. It was born of leather and has grown to include new instruments and materials of kinky pleasure. But the core remains. It is what draws us together.
We congregate to meet and associate with people who play like we do. It’s pure and simple. That’s the point. Punkt aus! Unfortunately, this basic reason for gathering has been lost on a great many people—especially in the titleholder community.
You, with the microphone, please shut up so that I can do the dance Leathermen once did in these spaces. It can only happen when the environment is right, and your screeching is making it impossible.
If you’ve forgotten, the dance is usually done very quietly while the music penetrates everything around us. It resonates in the gear two Leathermen wear. It starts when the gaze from under his Muir Cap catches your eyes from across the room, and that bolt of sexual energy blasts into you, through your chest, into your gut and down into your nuts. That’s the dance we’re here for, right? Your vision of children without toys has just obliterated the chance of that happening. Thank you, so much.
How did you end up here, anyway? And how can we get you to put down the microphone or at least sex it up and start doing the dance actual kinky guys do? Or how can we get you to leave? Maybe kink has nothing to do with Leather and being a Leather titleholder anymore – maybe I’m just living in some kind of fantasy.
I am willing to concede that I am often wrong about a lot of things, but this is not one of them. Sorry. I got into the Leather titleholder scene for many reasons. But one of my primary goals, as my first judging panel can tell you, was to find a guy into the same kind of sex I was into.
The first IMLs weren’t chosen at the Gold Coast because they were great at raising money for gonorrhea, or because they were coached on what to say by a professional “stylist.” Having heard the stories from David Kloss, and read about Patrick Brooks, Marty Kiker, and other early IML winners, it seems that their performance at play parties surrounding the original event garnered them as much respect as anything else they had to offer – if not more.
Radical sex has always been a huge part of being a Leatherman and the current emphasis on sexless Leather titleholder events is a course being charted in the wrong direction. It is taking us away from our origins.
From what I’ve read and witnessed (I am 44), AIDS is the reason our leather spaces changed so much. Other men more eloquent then I have outlined the transformation that occurred in our world during the first outbreaks of the great plague, but let me try to break it down here for the Twitter generation...
Our government was ignoring the AIDS issue, so those suffering from the effects of the disease had to pull together and take on the enormous task of fighting it, as well as caring for the dying, burying the dead, and consoling the survivors.
Along with most of the vanilla queer community, leather folk made miracles happen. We felt dignity for the first time as we found out just how powerful we could be in the face of such horrifying adversity.
When we were raising cash for the cause, we didn’t care where it came from or how it was raised. We dropped everything to look after of our own. Our dignity swelled, just as it should have. We made a real difference in the lives of people who really needed it. This necessitated opening our spaces to anyone with money to spend or talent to lend. We just did it—and many people, myself included, reaped the benefits of the programs those efforts spawned.
The sad reality is that along with all the family and friends we buried in those days, we also lost many of our kinky leather spaces. An echo of what they once were is all that remains.
The idea that radical sex should be the primary banner we raise when we gather as a Tribe to celebrate who we are was replaced by something new. Instead or celebrating kink and radical sex, the act of fundraising itself became celebrated. We didn’t seem to notice that huge organizations like APLA, AIDS Healthcare Foundation, and the Jeffrey Goodman Clinic were built. Somewhere along the line we forgot why we were fundraising and just did it out of habit. The hunting grounds of kinky people were changed. Forever? That remains to be seen.
There is a growing group among us in the titleholder community who value the act of fundraising over the ability to celebrate what it means to be fully functional and celebrated kinky people. They now look for charities to do fundraiser for, just so they can do fundraiser. Being a Leatherman or a kinky individual is no longer relevant to their gatherings.
These are Leather carpetbaggers. They have been drawn to the light our powerful energy creates and have found opportunity in this new fundraising paradigm. The gear they wear is a costume rather than an expression of their basic nature. They have little or no interest in our world beyond its ability to generate notoriety for themselves.
Since they are no longer required to be kinky in order to exist in our spaces, they thrive as event producers and fundraising experts. In the titleholder sect, fundraising expertise has begun to replace mastery of fetish sex as the defining characteristic of a Leatherman. “How much money have you raised this past year?” is a common question thrown out by judges these days.
When carpetbaggers who do not value anything except their own personal gain are allowed to thrive, their behavior weakens our core and threatens the magic that binds one kinky person to another. They have learned to speak our language and wear our gear, but they are not part of the kinky core from which the leather community sprang. There is no love for radical sex or desire to protect the spaces in which it occurs. What’s more, some actually align themselves with right-wing politicos. No kidding.
Every action they take is one of self-promotion and self-interest – fundraiser “for the children” become fundraiser for personal notoriety. The concept of brotherhood is nothing more than a collection of empty words when it is measured against actions. Carpetbaggers have no integrity, other than to remain faithful to their own self-serving interests. Is this the kind of person we want out front representing our community?
Maybe these individuals could be allowed to serve the leather community in a supportive role, but they almost certainly would decline because selfless service is beneath them. These people are “bad players,” and they need to be treated as such. We need to watch them, we need to educate them, we need to council them, we need to dis-invite them, or we need to eject them from our spaces.’
I guess that’s really why I was so damned irritated when I woke up that morning. I was in fear that my sacred spaces were being threatened, and not by a benign force of nature or some natural extinction event. It was being threatened by people who would erase the very core of what it means to be a Leatherman to suit their own ambitions and make a name for themselves.
Wait! Let me be honest for just a second. Being irritated and pissed was simply bravado to cover up the fact that I was really frightened. Afraid that what we’ve lost to AIDS is unrecoverable. Afraid that Leather bars full of men in gear cursing for kinky sex are a thing of the past. Afraid that the stories of kinky spaces filled with kinky people are going to remain stories for me and future generations. Afraid that trust, honor, and respect are no longer core value words which set us apart from the masses, but rather empty words parroted by ego-driven leeches sucking our scene dry.
I hate complainers who decry everything they see wrong in the scene but offer no solutions to correct it, so please allow me to make some suggestions...
As much as it pains me to say it, I think we should keep doing some of the fundraising. Raising money for AIDS made us feel dignity, joy and that one thing we enjoy most of all, power. So let’s hold on to that. Those are strong community-building emotions. But why not use our kinky spaces to support our own kinky kind?
There is no shortage of worthy kinky and kink-related endeavors. The Leather Archives & Museum, NCSF, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, the Spanner Trust, FSC, and your local titleholder are just a few institutions preserving our history, our traditions, and our civil rights. With a bit of research it is easy to find all kinds of kink causes that need support. When they have secured our equal protection under the law, maybe I can start worrying about feral kittens as I’m cruising that guy at the Eagle. (And by the way, I’m a three-time pound rescue kitten owner, thank you.)
Leather contest producers and judges have a huge role in shaping the immediate and future image of the leather/kink world with the titleholders they deliver. Producers, you set the tone for the judges. Be clear. Judges, you pick the contestants. Pick wisely. Your contestants will be in the press and carry the banner as the “ideal” Leatherman. What kind of individual did you participate in picking? A vanilla fund-raiser or a smart fetish player?
Producers, if you want quality titleholders running in your contest, be the kind of producer quality people want to work with. Is he going to be burnt out and broke at the end of his year? Word gets around. If you want an example of a good producer, follow the trail of strong contestants who have the same producer. And don’t confuse a stylist with a producer; the stylist grabs them after they’ve won a contest and are headed to IML. Every contest matters. Every score matters. Every winner matters.
Many of our sacred spaces have endured this trend, but some have disappeared because they are places kinky folk no longer enjoy. Some of this is AIDS fallout and some of it is because of on-line hookups. But some of it is happening because we let carpetbaggers run off with the show. And it is an easy situation to correct.
Honestly, change does not require “going after” anyone. We simply need to embrace who we are (were) as radical sex-loving leatherfolk, shed some of our internalized phetishphobia, re-calibrate the fundraising tool, and celebrate our kinky core.
I actually sense the tide is about to change. Some who took shelter during the worst of the plague are feeling that it is safe to come out again. And there are just too many young kinky people bursting out of the woodwork who are desperate for a place to meet other kinky people for it to stay contained. The Internet only gets us so far. A rebirth of the scene is upon us. Question is: Are we prepared to welcome them home?
~Mike Gerle
We congregate to meet and associate with people who play like we do. It’s pure and simple. That’s the point. Punkt aus! Unfortunately, this basic reason for gathering has been lost on a great many people—especially in the titleholder community.
You, with the microphone, please shut up so that I can do the dance Leathermen once did in these spaces. It can only happen when the environment is right, and your screeching is making it impossible.
If you’ve forgotten, the dance is usually done very quietly while the music penetrates everything around us. It resonates in the gear two Leathermen wear. It starts when the gaze from under his Muir Cap catches your eyes from across the room, and that bolt of sexual energy blasts into you, through your chest, into your gut and down into your nuts. That’s the dance we’re here for, right? Your vision of children without toys has just obliterated the chance of that happening. Thank you, so much.
How did you end up here, anyway? And how can we get you to put down the microphone or at least sex it up and start doing the dance actual kinky guys do? Or how can we get you to leave? Maybe kink has nothing to do with Leather and being a Leather titleholder anymore – maybe I’m just living in some kind of fantasy.
I am willing to concede that I am often wrong about a lot of things, but this is not one of them. Sorry. I got into the Leather titleholder scene for many reasons. But one of my primary goals, as my first judging panel can tell you, was to find a guy into the same kind of sex I was into.
The first IMLs weren’t chosen at the Gold Coast because they were great at raising money for gonorrhea, or because they were coached on what to say by a professional “stylist.” Having heard the stories from David Kloss, and read about Patrick Brooks, Marty Kiker, and other early IML winners, it seems that their performance at play parties surrounding the original event garnered them as much respect as anything else they had to offer – if not more.
Radical sex has always been a huge part of being a Leatherman and the current emphasis on sexless Leather titleholder events is a course being charted in the wrong direction. It is taking us away from our origins.
From what I’ve read and witnessed (I am 44), AIDS is the reason our leather spaces changed so much. Other men more eloquent then I have outlined the transformation that occurred in our world during the first outbreaks of the great plague, but let me try to break it down here for the Twitter generation...
Our government was ignoring the AIDS issue, so those suffering from the effects of the disease had to pull together and take on the enormous task of fighting it, as well as caring for the dying, burying the dead, and consoling the survivors.
Along with most of the vanilla queer community, leather folk made miracles happen. We felt dignity for the first time as we found out just how powerful we could be in the face of such horrifying adversity.
When we were raising cash for the cause, we didn’t care where it came from or how it was raised. We dropped everything to look after of our own. Our dignity swelled, just as it should have. We made a real difference in the lives of people who really needed it. This necessitated opening our spaces to anyone with money to spend or talent to lend. We just did it—and many people, myself included, reaped the benefits of the programs those efforts spawned.
The sad reality is that along with all the family and friends we buried in those days, we also lost many of our kinky leather spaces. An echo of what they once were is all that remains.
The idea that radical sex should be the primary banner we raise when we gather as a Tribe to celebrate who we are was replaced by something new. Instead or celebrating kink and radical sex, the act of fundraising itself became celebrated. We didn’t seem to notice that huge organizations like APLA, AIDS Healthcare Foundation, and the Jeffrey Goodman Clinic were built. Somewhere along the line we forgot why we were fundraising and just did it out of habit. The hunting grounds of kinky people were changed. Forever? That remains to be seen.
There is a growing group among us in the titleholder community who value the act of fundraising over the ability to celebrate what it means to be fully functional and celebrated kinky people. They now look for charities to do fundraiser for, just so they can do fundraiser. Being a Leatherman or a kinky individual is no longer relevant to their gatherings.
These are Leather carpetbaggers. They have been drawn to the light our powerful energy creates and have found opportunity in this new fundraising paradigm. The gear they wear is a costume rather than an expression of their basic nature. They have little or no interest in our world beyond its ability to generate notoriety for themselves.
Since they are no longer required to be kinky in order to exist in our spaces, they thrive as event producers and fundraising experts. In the titleholder sect, fundraising expertise has begun to replace mastery of fetish sex as the defining characteristic of a Leatherman. “How much money have you raised this past year?” is a common question thrown out by judges these days.
When carpetbaggers who do not value anything except their own personal gain are allowed to thrive, their behavior weakens our core and threatens the magic that binds one kinky person to another. They have learned to speak our language and wear our gear, but they are not part of the kinky core from which the leather community sprang. There is no love for radical sex or desire to protect the spaces in which it occurs. What’s more, some actually align themselves with right-wing politicos. No kidding.
Every action they take is one of self-promotion and self-interest – fundraiser “for the children” become fundraiser for personal notoriety. The concept of brotherhood is nothing more than a collection of empty words when it is measured against actions. Carpetbaggers have no integrity, other than to remain faithful to their own self-serving interests. Is this the kind of person we want out front representing our community?
Maybe these individuals could be allowed to serve the leather community in a supportive role, but they almost certainly would decline because selfless service is beneath them. These people are “bad players,” and they need to be treated as such. We need to watch them, we need to educate them, we need to council them, we need to dis-invite them, or we need to eject them from our spaces.’
I guess that’s really why I was so damned irritated when I woke up that morning. I was in fear that my sacred spaces were being threatened, and not by a benign force of nature or some natural extinction event. It was being threatened by people who would erase the very core of what it means to be a Leatherman to suit their own ambitions and make a name for themselves.
Wait! Let me be honest for just a second. Being irritated and pissed was simply bravado to cover up the fact that I was really frightened. Afraid that what we’ve lost to AIDS is unrecoverable. Afraid that Leather bars full of men in gear cursing for kinky sex are a thing of the past. Afraid that the stories of kinky spaces filled with kinky people are going to remain stories for me and future generations. Afraid that trust, honor, and respect are no longer core value words which set us apart from the masses, but rather empty words parroted by ego-driven leeches sucking our scene dry.
I hate complainers who decry everything they see wrong in the scene but offer no solutions to correct it, so please allow me to make some suggestions...
As much as it pains me to say it, I think we should keep doing some of the fundraising. Raising money for AIDS made us feel dignity, joy and that one thing we enjoy most of all, power. So let’s hold on to that. Those are strong community-building emotions. But why not use our kinky spaces to support our own kinky kind?
There is no shortage of worthy kinky and kink-related endeavors. The Leather Archives & Museum, NCSF, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, the Spanner Trust, FSC, and your local titleholder are just a few institutions preserving our history, our traditions, and our civil rights. With a bit of research it is easy to find all kinds of kink causes that need support. When they have secured our equal protection under the law, maybe I can start worrying about feral kittens as I’m cruising that guy at the Eagle. (And by the way, I’m a three-time pound rescue kitten owner, thank you.)
Leather contest producers and judges have a huge role in shaping the immediate and future image of the leather/kink world with the titleholders they deliver. Producers, you set the tone for the judges. Be clear. Judges, you pick the contestants. Pick wisely. Your contestants will be in the press and carry the banner as the “ideal” Leatherman. What kind of individual did you participate in picking? A vanilla fund-raiser or a smart fetish player?
Producers, if you want quality titleholders running in your contest, be the kind of producer quality people want to work with. Is he going to be burnt out and broke at the end of his year? Word gets around. If you want an example of a good producer, follow the trail of strong contestants who have the same producer. And don’t confuse a stylist with a producer; the stylist grabs them after they’ve won a contest and are headed to IML. Every contest matters. Every score matters. Every winner matters.
Many of our sacred spaces have endured this trend, but some have disappeared because they are places kinky folk no longer enjoy. Some of this is AIDS fallout and some of it is because of on-line hookups. But some of it is happening because we let carpetbaggers run off with the show. And it is an easy situation to correct.
Honestly, change does not require “going after” anyone. We simply need to embrace who we are (were) as radical sex-loving leatherfolk, shed some of our internalized phetishphobia, re-calibrate the fundraising tool, and celebrate our kinky core.
I actually sense the tide is about to change. Some who took shelter during the worst of the plague are feeling that it is safe to come out again. And there are just too many young kinky people bursting out of the woodwork who are desperate for a place to meet other kinky people for it to stay contained. The Internet only gets us so far. A rebirth of the scene is upon us. Question is: Are we prepared to welcome them home?
~Mike Gerle
Did I write this?
Well said.
slave jeb
International Master 1994
Posted by: slave jeb | 01/26/2010 at 11:00 AM
I for one have been guilty of getting caught up in the fundraising frenzy. During my title year, I rarely had sex even though it was readily available.
HIV/AIDS is a cause very close to my heart and I really worked the sash to speak of my surviving the crisis as an HIV positive man of 20+ years.
I have always believed that it was a new responsibility of sorts to show that radical and kinky sex was a wonderful alternative to the resurgence of risky vanilla behavior in the past few years.
Did I do anything about it in a grandiose public function? Nope. I was too busy trying to keep up with all of the public appearances and requests for help in fundraising. I don't regret that I helped raise money for worthy causes but I do wish I would have done more.
Oh and just to digress for a moment with a personal observation...
One of my favorite hangouts in LA has been the Slammer sex club. Once upon a time,I could go in there in chaps with my cock and ass hanging out and feast on a veritable buffet of raunchy, kinky sex. Those days seem to be gone forever as now even the tiniest hint of leather gear seems to scare people away. If I go in there in a tank top and sweats, it's all good and there is plenty of fun to be had.
I had thought this was maybe just my imagination at one point until I noticed that it kept happening on a more regular basis. I decided to test my theory by bringing a change of clothes on more than one occasion, and each time I dressed down the kink, I was once again desirable.
I find this ironic because my first piece of leather gear were the chaps I bought to wear there.
Posted by: Dave McFaddin - Mr. Sister Leather 2008 | 01/26/2010 at 11:42 AM
The primary reason the leather community exists is so that we can find each other to do SM and kinky sex with each other. Every other activity that takes place in the leather community is secondary to that primary purpose.
Kudos to Mike Gerle for being willing to stick his neck out and talk about the hyper-focus on fundraising, to the detriment of what this community exists for, to do SM and kinky sex.
Hobbit
International Ms I Was a Total Slut During My Title Year Leather 2008
Posted by: Hobbit Joost | 01/26/2010 at 07:59 PM
I would rather AIDS, and LGBT youth at risk, and other charities' fundraising relied more on using Online resources including social networking, and less on monopolizing Saturday night at the bar and inhabiting the cruising space. And conversely it would be great if Leather hookup websites like Recon had rolling blackouts or brownouts in big city zipcodes on weekend nights to force people to come out and cruise in meat space instead of cyberspace. But when I talk to guys in their twenties, they don't necessarily need certain prescribed physical locations or event weekends to cruise in. And "civilians" hardly look twice anymore when somebody shows up in public in leather or a furry suit. Kink images have been coopted by advertising, and mall fashion. Perhaps as kinky people we need to reclaim our Outlaw heritage and start fucking around with social norms more.
Posted by: Stivalineri | 01/27/2010 at 08:40 AM
My two cents (okay maybe a bit more than that):
When I won the title of Mr. Regiment 2009, I was asked who I would be raising money for. I indicated that I intended to focus my year instead on encouraging guys to get out in gear and help provide visibility for the various kink-related clubs and organizations that our community has to offer in Los Angeles. I could HEAR the eyeballs rolling. I was immediately dismayed that charity work was the top expectation for me.
Yes, there is a place for fundraising. Our bars are not it. Our titles are not it. Not at THIS point in time. Virtually every cause we raise money for raises VASTLY more cash through other channels. Possibly the sole exception is legal defense/political activism for kink & LGBTQ communities - ie NCSF or Woodhull Freedom Foundation.
In my opinion, at this juncture, our community has much more significant issues facing it. How do we regain a passion for kink/leather/bdsm? How do we regain the intensity of our spaces and interactions which led us to this thing we call Leather? I know the experience of cruising recon for me does not hold the same visceral excitement that parking outside the Spike did oh so many years ago.
Let us, rather than host another fundraiser, host a takeover of one of our own spaces - a leather bar which has been co-opted by jeansboys and circuit boys. Let's put on the gear we love and the attitude that gets us hard and reclaim our turf, seize our territory, or....let us instead stake a new claim...new space that is uniquely ours. Let's for new clubs which are impossible to get into, new parties which are invitation only, new events which become the subject of legend. It's up to us to create our own future.
Alex Lindsay
American Leatherman 2009
Posted by: Alex Lindsay | 01/27/2010 at 09:21 AM
Also...kudos to Mike for calling this out publicly.
Posted by: Alex Lindsay | 01/27/2010 at 09:22 AM
I applaud Mike Gerle for speaking out, and I agree for the most part; but I think he is making a rather common yet incorrect generalization..that all people wearing dead cow are "Leathermen/women".
I believe there are Leatherfolk, leather fetishists, and people in leather costumes.
Leatherfolk wear leather to symbolize their adherence to the philosophies, protocols, and sexual explorations & expressions rooted in the culture.
Leather fetishists wear leather primarily because they like the look, feel, and smell of it.
People in leather costumes wear leather because they want to belong to something or go to a party but don't really give a rat's ass about anything else. I think this group truly deserves the label "carpetbaggers".
Speaking to the LeatherFolk:
One of the founding principles of this community was the support and protection of one another. Bearing that in mind, I don't see how raising funds for things relevant to the communty like HIV/AIDS and legal battles is inappropriate. However, I do agree that the whole fundraising thing has become a bit out of control...bordering on irrelevant. I believe it has taken our focus to a place beyond where Leatherfolk need to be.
I'm not suggesting that these other causes are unimportant; but we must remember who we are and why this culture and community were created in the first place.
I'm very happy to say that here in Toronto, we recognized the need to promote kink, play, and sex as important aspects of leather culture. We are also very fortunate to have sex-positive laws in place, experienced players willing to share their skills and passions, venues willing to allow workshops and heavy play, and good people willing to donate their time & energy towards bringing the dirty nasty edgy piggy sex back into leather culture.
MLTC runs BDSM/kink education programs year round. The Black Eagle Toronto hosts regular demos, workshops, and has a legal back room. Northbound Leather hosts monthly fetish dance & play parties at Goodhandy's AND allows us to use their store for kink & leather education purposes.
Our community will be EXACTLY what we make it to be. Writing about the state of things is a waste of time if people just sit around, nod their heads in agreement, and bitch. I'm rather hoping that essays & articles like this one will inspire Leatherfolk to get up off their asses and do something.
It doesn't take a lot of money. All it takes is people dedicated to the ideals of Leather culture...which include brotherhood, respect, commitment, and most importantly - embracing and exploring the limits of our sexuality as sanely as possible.
Respectfully
Paul Ciantar
MLTC Education Committee Chair
"Mama's Shit Disturber"
Posted by: Paul Ciantar | 01/27/2010 at 10:53 AM
Thanks to Mike & to everyone who has commented before me. Much of what I would have said is covered. I'd only add that now we need to share this article & the comments with our local community groups and message boards and get feedback from members in the community who are less interested in titles & politics of organized leather and more so just looking to connect with other leatherfolk in their areas.
Posted by: Chuck N. | 01/27/2010 at 01:57 PM
Charities must be weaned off celebrity-driven fund raising and community education. A recurring title/titleholder is not the same fiscal solution as a recurring source of revenue. Bingo hall partnerships or a charity run taco stand sitting in front of the local grocery can do a lot more good in six months than one titleholder can do in six weeks of hurried work.
You all are right. What needs to be said has been said, but as someone who has helped orgs learn how to raise money on 'their own' I share the frustration. I am a man who is attracted to integrity and community, which titleholders should represent, and not the race to the dollar sign. That's my karma, I suppose.
tulku
Posted by: Tulku Rinzen | 01/27/2010 at 10:09 PM
I remember SOMA when nice people (including my nicer half) didn't go there. It was decrepit, dank and dark.
It was also dark in other ways. It was a place where men of a peculiar bent played with self-denial and possibly self-destruction and where others teased them with indifference and abuse. It was an edgy place where rival pleasures and powers clashed. The allure was the insubordination against everything society said it stood for.
Let us be clear: BDSM may be gratifying but it is not necessarily the road to happiness. It is not a technique. It is a sexualized risk that walks the razor's edge between affirmation and destruction, between good and evil. It is not for everyone, not even those who want it.
Two things destroyed the scene. The first of these was materialism: the manipulation by those who wanted to make a buck. In order to make money they had to make it popular and in order to make it popular they had to make it superficial, safe and stylized. Hello Drummer & Mr. S.
Symbolic fetish has always been at the core of SM or DS or whatever alphabet noodles one wants to use. In fact symbolism and fetish are at the core of most great and powerful things in life. But that mystery is something that lies within the style and theatre; it is not the same as the husk that envelopes it. Selling the husk was the way to riches; and, truth be told, gays have a lamentable propensity for cheapening everything into caricature, style and theatre.
The second and worse factor was the inexplicable American propensity to sanitize things: to turn Blau Engel and her destroyed professor into Doris Day and her pillow-talking buddy.
The GLTGLLBSDM Community just *had* to discover self-maximizing, other-enrichment at the heel of a boot or end of the lash. The "Community" recoiled with indignation at the accusation that we hurt and debased one another. No we don't! We're as Baptist as you are! We just dress diff'rent. Master slave is a win win relationship.
Oh? Does one have to wonder why people look at us like we're stark raving nuts?
Of course this "justification" actually shoots itself in the foot. If we in fact needed all this clunking and clanking and "theatre" just to say "I love you" --- maybe we should go see a shrink.
To this day, I do not know if SM is good or bad or neither. I do know that both sex and existence remain a mystery to me. I also know that when some Pollyanna comes around yapping about "safe sane and consensual" I've just been time warped back to the second grade and a very mushy weenie.
Would that were all. America is incurably addicted to puritanical correctness and preaching. Sanitizing would hardly be complete without manualizing -- those (now volumes) of psycho-babble and instructions telling us how "true" slaves, masters, tops, bottoms *ought* to behave and (worse yet) *feel*.
This stuff ended up being a grotesque parody of religious disciplines; and frankly if "right devotion" is the name of the game, why in the world chose Larry Townsend over St. Ignatius Loyola? At least give me Buñuel.
On the other hand, it has to be said that Mr. S (Alan) was a nice man. He made his money but took the lead in giving back to a sub-group of misfits (aka "community") that was suffering terrible times while the world looked on with ....uh, indifference. In more than a just a "sense" it was those very charities -- not the S/M life style -- that gave rise to the "community"... just as it did 2000 years ago in another dark and dank place. I donno. Maybe we all chickened out in the end, and gave in to being good. Not the worst thing after all, but I still rue Blue Angel.
OutToPasture
Posted by: Mutt Mark | 01/28/2010 at 04:37 PM
Having been involved with kinky for 35-years, I often have the same reaction for the opposite reasons; too-many guys just dressing-up for parties, or just dressing up for fashion without any interest or commitment to the meanings or the obligations. I'm old-enough to remember when a "boy" was given his first serious leather gear after he earned it. No you meet some hot guy and soon as you get home, off comes the leather and they just want vanilla sex...even if they were wearing all the signs and regalia of a sub bottom-boy.
By the same token, I've also seen the erosion of respect for those into the "leather lifestyle" and bdsm who didn't wear leather. Now it just a fashion statement for too-many. And while I enjoy the experience of guys in leather, I just don't feel "authentic" wearing black leather I prefer LLBean yuppie gear or western-style cowboy attire that suits me naturally. I live in the country myself, my brothers have farms and raise horses. But that doesn't prevent me from enjoying bdsm, leather gear and a hot boy collared and ready to be used-hard.
Dress codes didn't keep guys out who didn't understand...it just encouraged a fashion-statement...not a lifestyle commitment. I gave-up on the leather bar charity-parties decades ago when the leather contests started to be obviously-won by disco-boys wearing store-bought leather, or even loaner leathers provided by the sponsors they had never worn before...
Posted by: Ted B. (Charging Rhino) | 01/29/2010 at 11:04 AM
Mike,
Well said! There's a time and place for everything. Fundraising, benefits, charities etc., are all a good thing, but lets not forget who we are in the process. Our Leather house is strong, we've survived some horrific blows but its time to clean our house and return to basics. Lets remind ourselves that Leather is first and foremost about celebrating and practicing our radical kinky sexuality. We were once a bold and edgy community, proudly proclaiming our kinkyness without excuse or regret. I would hate to think we've lost that spirit.
Cheers,
Olivier Pratt
Mama's Olivier Twisted
International LeatherSir 07
Exec Co-Producer ILSb/ICBB
Posted by: Olivier Pratt | 02/02/2010 at 06:50 AM
This is nothing new, but it was very, very brave of Mike to step up and be vocal with it. And to make it into a magazine? Kudos.
Now maybe it'll open up some eyes? Hmmm...
Posted by: Ruff | 02/02/2010 at 07:47 AM
You may see it as losing our specialness. I see it as growing up. We may have our kink in common, but if that is all we have in common, if that is what we base our sense of community on, we're not much of anything at all. Our community is based on our humanity, of which our kink is just a part.
To me, the "leather carpetbaggers" are the Danny Dressups who show up to party, dance and fuck, who wouldn't know Real Leather or real community if it raped them with a blowtorch.
And the notion that leather guys don't go to events, or tire of them, because they are taken over by causes instead of being fuckfests? Sorry, no: guys don't go to events and bars for the same reason non-kinky gay folk, and hets for that matter, don't: people have lots of other options for getting together. Online community is killing everyone's bars and parties, not just ours, and maybe something's lost, but a lot's gained, too.
You don't want to hear fundraising? Don't go to benefits.
Posted by: Roger Klorese | 02/02/2010 at 12:04 PM
Yet somehow fundraising for titleholder travel funds is acceptable...so they can go to IML and compete with the other "carpetbaggers"? :)
This piece is an exercise in fighting paper tigers. Normally, this would serve as benign venting; but, from your tone I gather you have serious energy to put toward bettering the soi-disant "community" of leatherfolk, and it would be a shame to have you wasting that momentum on a nonissue. As other commenters note above, many reasons account for the current state of leather bars & functions.
Increased access to information on kink and new faster, more open distribution channels for that information have decentralized kink, spread it out of the bars. Someone interested in kink does not have to invest heavily in the community; they can find kinky sex fast & easy online. As for brothers and brotherhood, they can find it through whatever other social networks they have; few urbanites count their sexuality or sexual behavior as a large facet of their life the way it was before LGBTs were highly accepted. It's become what you do, not who you are.
People work more and relate to people differently than in the past; few people have time to invest heavily in the community even if they wanted. As a titleholder, the amount of time required of you must have sharply illustrated this point to you.
I'm glad that you did offer some solutions to your perceived problem, and I agree that it's better to fundraise for our own causes rather than general community causes; leatherfolk need as much assistance as anyone else. But I think you place undue importance on contests and titleholders. There's much more to the community than the three-month season of contests.
"Leather contest producers and judges have a huge role in shaping the...image of the leather/kink world with the titleholders they deliver," rings false to me. I've been around for a decade and don't remember who LAL or IML was four years ago, which means they probably didn't shape our community much, if at all. I can't say my kinky sex behavior was changed because what's-his-name won IML, and you'd be hard pressed to find someone who has.
Anyway, one long reply later, I hope that, if you still believe the points you wrote above and still believe in your solutions, you actively work to change things. Writing this blog post is one thing, but you should carry whatever messages you have directly to decision-makers.
Posted by: Jason F | 02/03/2010 at 12:55 PM
I whole heartedly agree with the author. And will add that the focus of the leather contest is not about who will make the best spokesman and provide the greatest leadership in the comming year for the community. As he points out it is about fundraising, often for causes that have no bearing upon us, and in some quasi-kink/sexual display.
A title holder should be a member of the community that the community supports...The sign of an empty title is that you pay your own travel expenses when you carry the banner, at least in my mind. That will mean far fewer titles, but far more influence for those that hold them. We should truly select wisely.
Posted by: LdBeast | 02/05/2010 at 06:31 AM
Thoughtful and thought provoking piece.
Best,
Fire
Posted by: Fire | 02/15/2010 at 06:59 PM
Thank you, Mike for opening up another opportunity to check myself. I'm not sure whether or not I can use this forum since I'm not a Leatherman (except by "adoption"), but as a sexual flexible, I can tell you that similar discussions are going on the the non gay leathermen communities as well. There are a number of us who are feeling the loss of the hot, sweaty, charged kind of interaction which used to be the standard. Some of that is our own fault. I don't feel as passionate as you, Mike, (and I'm not a part of the title holder group at all), but one of the reasons I continue to "try" to get into the Leathermen's parties (running gag in the local community) is that I LOVE that sexual energy and primal interaction. You may feel the loss, Mike, but we have even less than you in large areas of our community (it's a generalization, but certainly recognizable). Thank you for challenging my self awareness.
Posted by: Ms. Diana | 02/20/2010 at 02:00 PM
Editor's Note: Thank you Ms Diana for bringing to light that this same discussion is happening in multiple communities simultaneously. And of course you're welcome to comment!
Posted by: Editor | 02/22/2010 at 09:42 AM
I appreciate this post and the discussion. Our relationship to fundraising and the need to claim our spaces is a discussion worth having.
I've been involved in Toronto's leather fetish community for three decades and I (fondly) remember the time before fundraising on a grand scale. I've also contributed to the development of fundraising. Some things have been lost and others gained. One of the trends I've noticed here recently is an increase in fundraisers happening outside of leather spaces. Perhaps that's a piece of the recalibration part Mike suggests.
Another might be targeting more fundraising specifically to help and support our leather organizations, educational programs and history. While I love that we give so much to LGBT causes and institutions, I haven't observed much in the way of fundraising for our institutions - again speaking of the Toronto experience.
If we don't support ourselves, who will?
Duncan MacLachlan
Mr. Leatherman Toronto (MLT) 1996
Executive Producer, MLT (1999-2001)
Posted by: Duncan MacLachlan | 02/24/2010 at 10:46 PM
Everyone in life walks through it with an agenda. Not everyone’s agenda is our agenda. Over the years I have watched a number of titleholders step up to bring forth their agenda. The reasons can be from wanting to get more sex, to doing porn, helping the community on an issue, and the list goes on. The titleholder thing can be disingenuous. I don’t think the whole BDSM fundraising is any different than the other parts of the society when they do fundraising. Sometimes I feel we are throwing money at a cause just to make ourselves feel better. Not that anyone really cares about the subject. But it can take care of people and issues that need help. Not I am not going to sit and judge people for the reasons they want to do a title. If they want to do it for having more sex, more power to them. But as a community leader that has a steady stream of hard hitting issues come across his desk, quite honestly, we have those issues because too many of us just want to turn the down lights, and the music up and find sex.
I was part of the national steering committee for the Consent Counts project a few years back. This project is to form a 10 to 15 year plan to decriminalize BDSM. During this time the management of the Ramrod in Boston held a meeting to ask the members of the men’s leather community what they wanted. The place was packed with about 40 guys and a small amount of non gay men leather folk. We kicked the can around, but the sad truth of today is the ole days of the gay community hanging in bars and finding sex is over. This death is not just within the SM community, but with the larger gay community as well. Articles like this make me feel like we should organize a good ole Irish wake to morn the death of those days. At the end of this meeting I asked everyone in the meeting if they wanted to participate in a roundtable discussion on coming up with a community based definition on consent for the Consent Counts Project. The gay men at this meeting looked at me like I had two heads. My thinking is because this had nothing to do with finding someone for their sling. The ones who were interested in this discussion were the non gay men in the room. Now here is the ironic part of all of this. They like you Michael want a public BDSM space to find a great BDSM experience. However because of the laws in Massachusetts they can’t use the SM equipment in the back room of the bar. In the state of Massachusetts there is no such thing as consensual battery. So the St. Andrews crosses in the backroom of the Rod are just a prop at this point. I find too many people just want the play and are not willing to do the work that needs to be done to have the sex they want. But I digress….
I can hear the moans and groans and eye rolls of guys reading about someone wanting to marry consent to BDSM. Call me crazy but I don’t want to have to sit on a couch again while one of my brothers cries on my shoulder and goes though the explicit details of him being raped repeatedly for over twelve hours. This same rapist also drugged another guy I know without his consent, and mutilated his genitals while he was out cold from the drugs. He doesn’t have sex anymore because if he is naked, he has to explain what happened to his genitals. The real kick in the pants is to read in issue 12 of Instigator magazine on page 16 & 17, calling this rapist a, and I quote “a well known and much respected member of the community”. You can sit and say this man who was raped really wasn’t, because is just really isn’t into BDSM. That is crap! He was very much into SM, catheters, and prolonged bondage that span over 24 hours. He was very much an edge player. What he didn’t get into was genital mutilation without his CONSENT.
Having said this, now back to the topic at hand… We need to turn up the lights, talk on the microphone, and do the work that needs to get done to keep the predators out of our community. If a guys brand of SM is just Stand & Model, that’s ok by me. As long as he is not sending people to the ER if he hooks up with someone. When IML started, it was just a contest to find the king of the orgy. The world has changed since then and we have far more issues to deal with. It would be ideal if we could have whatever kind of sex we wanted without consequences. But that’s not reality. And after almost 30 years of dealing with AIDS/HIV, the bubble should have burst by now. Remember to have ability means responsibility comes with it. Our community faces many challenges that in order to overcome them needs cash, and lots of it! If the Stand & Model guy gets people to open their wallet to fund the issues that need to get worked on… fine by me!
Another part of the problem the titleholder community has is we eat our own. When I had my title I was accused of being a Leather Barbie Doll, because they saw me as all gear and looks. I also got, your too tall, too short, too old, too young, too smooth, too hairy, and on, and on, and on… A few years later a well know player in our community held the same title and people were pissed because he didn’t look like he just stepped out of a Titian video. Everyone wants titleholders to be what they want them to be, and will go into great lengths to state this agenda. But would never pour themselves into a leather jockstrap and put their money where their mouth is.
Having said all this I feel the need to state a reminder that having or doing the titleholder thing started for the same reason we got in to SM in the first place. For enjoyment, and If you are not enjoying this anymore….. Then why do it? Just don’t dump on someone else’s good time… whatever that is. All I ask is for consent when you do it.
In Leather,
Scott Erickson
Leather Leadership Conference, National Board of Directors
New England Leather Alliance, Former Co-Chair, Director of Community Relations
Bay State Marauders, Inaugural Past President, Charter Member
Mama's Leather Sailor
Pantheon of Leather New England Regional Award winner 2007
Mr. Boston Leather 2004
Posted by: Scott Erickson | 03/02/2010 at 09:22 PM
I'll risk what's probably a very unpopular viewpoint: I don't think Leather Titleholders have *anything* to do with the Leather community.
The local feeder contests are just a way for a bar owner to get people into the bar on what would otherwise be a slow night. The regional and national contests are an opportunity for the promoters to make a shit-load of money (or at least the potential to -- if you're selling out a hotel in Chicago, plus all the Vendor area stuff, there's got to be a lot of money flowing somewhere). Back around 2000, the Circuit Party promoters had perfected the scam of making $1.5M to $2M profit on an event, giving $50,000 to a charity, and calling it a "fundraiser." All the Leather Titleholder stuff has little or nothing to do with raising money for charity -- that's just a smokescreen.
And then, we in the community are told about how hard it is for the poor titleholder, and that we all have to donate money for them to travel around the country or the world. So the rest of us have to pay so the most physically attractive guy, regardless of other qualifications or lack thereof, can travel to have sex with other physically attractive guys, all in the name of the "Leather Community."
The whole "Leather Titleholder" system is bunk. Abolish the whole thing. Hold fundraisers to raise money for organizations that support our own that need it. And stop trying to appoint people as representatives of our community based on their looks. Deeds and reputation count a lot more, and you're not going to get either of them from two minutes of a guy strutting in a jock strap or saying they want "World Peace" into a microphone.
Posted by: BigBikerStache | 03/03/2010 at 10:33 PM
Beautifully writ - words I will ponder deeply and discuss with others like you. Thanks for putting into words what I've only vaguely felt... a good kick in the chaps!
Posted by: JLubeJack | 03/11/2010 at 07:16 AM