by boy nick, Mr. Beyond Leather 2011
When people think Leather. They tend to think of vest, chaps, cuffs, and other garment pieces. Many vanilla folk think that at least. They may have been exposed to Leather folk at some point in their life through the media. Even some people that are new to the community associate Leather as just a physical thing. As that new person walks their journey throughout the many sub-communities discovering themselves, they realize something different about these people in leather. Their presence and energy is something that stands out from the rest of the crowd.
About 12 years ago, I remember being someone who was interested in kink in general. Curious about many things. Different play, different people. I wanted to learn everything out there. It was a lot to take in, but I did not care. As with anyone, the fervor was there to take in my surroundings. That and a lack of fear. I was game to talk with other people who came up to me. Being a shy person, I would most likely have people come up to me instead of me going to them. If someone did approach me, I had open ears for them.
Over time, I learned what it was to be Leather. I felt a deep connection to the roots of Leathermen. The first time I saw the Leather pride flag, I felt a wave of patriotism come over me. There was a warmth in my heart and a smile on my face. It is one of those things that if someone asked me, "When do you know you're Leather?". My answer would be, you will just know. No one will tell you. There will be no signs or seal of approval. You will just know.
As far as my personal self. I can say this much. How my personality used to be is nothing like that of when I have my Leathers on. This may "out" my inner self, but I am making an example. Again, what I am about to say was a few years ago. Things have actually changed for the better. Even though I still have my moments today among close friends.
My vanilla friends know me as a crass person. My jokes are far from politically correct and there have been times I had the mouth that would make a sailor cry. This is the way I was raised in my [blood] family. I remember being in third grade being sent to the principal's office for using the "F" word. They called my mom and asked where I learned such language. She replied, "Most likely from me, do you have a f***ing problem with that?". As far as my dad. He brought me up with stories of the many pub brawls he got into when he was my age. Now, mind you. I enjoy my life and never been arrested. I have a clean legal slate and I want to keep it that way. Not saying I never got into a physical spat in the past, but what can I say. I wanted to make my dad proud. Think "Spartan" mindset. Walk into a lion's den, poke the beast and see if you walk out a man. ..... I know, immature. You don't have to tell me. Again, I am making a point to the differences in pre-Leather me and the now!
Leather me.
Now, the vest goes on and something happens. My brain gets rewired. My "Sup?" turns into a "Good afternoon Sir/Ma'am. How are you today?". My swagger turns into a post haste walk with chest held high and shoulders back. My "What?" turns into a "I'm sorry, I did not catch that Sir/Ma'am."
Odd, right? It's like taking a kid to Taekwondo. He may fight with his parents, pull a prank or two on friends, but when he gets to the dojo and bows his way to enter the mat. He respects the sensei and does what he is told. He doesn't question. He accepts his punishment without complaining. It's a complete 180 turn of a mental attitude.
Maybe Leather is a Martial Art of some sorts. Martial arts usually involve discipline. A codified practice if you will. To quote from Master John Weal's book; "The Leatherman's Protocol Handbook". The three S's of Leather; "Strictness, Structure, and Stability". If you keep a strict adherence to the way things should be done, that will give you structure. If your structure stays strong, you will have stability. This will hold firm in what you do and your life in general. Most self-defense classes will have set ways to do things. They want you to leave with stable knowledge in what you learned. Not much different then Leather.
So, where do I see myself now as a Leatherboy? I find my relationships with people more secure. People find me more pleasurable to be around. My work ethics are better. I am always striving to do my best. Even my own parents who know I am Leather, notice a difference in me. A good difference. I am fairly easy going, but will take a stand when needed. As a person of Taekwondo or Karate may go home to practice their katas (forms). I always try to make things better. My protocols don't stop after I leave an event. Now, I am not perfect by any means. I still have my moments and have many things to work on.
This year, I became a title holder. It has put me in the spotlight more then I think I could have even expected. Is this a bad thing? Not at all. When I stood in front of my judges. I told them, "this will be a learning experience for me". Especially being my title is an educator's title. I may educate others, but I am also humble enough to listen to those around me. Whether it is how to talk with others, how to be more present in a crowd, how to organize different events, and other things. This in turn has affected my professional life and my social life. I am happy with the way things have turned out. This year has been a year of many first for me. Everything that I have been prepped for is now coming to light.
Am I saying one should be Leather to work on things in their life? No. It is like saying, You should take Karate over Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Each martial art brings something different to the table, but it will work out in the end. There is no one system or way better then the other. Being Leather, I still find my 'cousins' of other subcultures a part of a large family. They have their ways. I know a few doctors who aren't Leather, but are just kinky people who like to play. They have their ways to put their style of life into everyday society. To maybe be more relaxed or to organize things a little better. Maybe being a Dominant taught them to be more assertive? Maybe being a bottom, playing naked in public has given them a higher confidence in their self-esteem?
Take what you do and do it well. Do it with purpose. Do it with passion. We are all human and make mistakes. No one was carved out of stone for perfection. No matter what path you walk, you will find things along the way to help you out. You will also find friends to stand beside you when you need support.
In love and Leather,
boy nick
Mr. Beyond Leather, 2011
This was an incredible read and it really just struck a chord with me. The last paragraph is something that I feel could have come right out of my Sir's mouth. As I go along my own path I try to strive to be better. A better boy, a better pup, a better man. Leather has helped me along this road more than I can sometimes find the words to describe, but I think you put it beautifully. Thank you for writing this article, it made my day.
Sincerly, Pup David
Posted by: Pup David | 01/31/2012 at 11:16 PM