By Deborah Isadora Wade
I have won two contests in my life. One was Ms. Alameda County Leather 2009 with Richard Sprott as my Mister. (I tell you there is nothing better than having a brilliant, handsome sash husband.) The other contest was the 1954 Most Beautiful Baby of Washington State. I had a perfectly shaped head (my mother kept the scoring sheets). Of course as a toddler I had no choice to be in a contest, as an adult I did. I won both. In what other community would a fat, feminist, ferocious, flawed femme win a contest based on image, personality, smarts and service? Really! Think about it.
Contests are radical. Contests are the radical body and front stage performance of alternative sexuality. They support the amazing acceptance of body. I find fat women and men who live in their bodies who are able to display them with sexual elation knowing they are beautiful, sexy and hot fucking inspiring. Leather contests are about putting the radical belief that how and who we fuck or want to fuck or dream about fucking is not a disease. Contests support “in your face” joy and power of living our sex out loud. Sexuality is part us from birth to our last breath. Sexual power exchange is powerful and extremist; contests celebrate both.
Contests are fun. Although competition can be fierce, it is supposed to be about being present and visible as a kinky sex pervert. If you define kinky sex pervert as anyone who as any other kind of sex outside the missionary position, that about covers all of us. We live in a global world with thousands of miles between friends and family. Contests bring us together to just be, to laugh, to visit, to play, to feast, to celebrate, to just fuck around and to smoke cigars while getting a blow job on the balcony. In 2009 at IMsL I remember being in the hospitality room for the Cigar and Boots Party. As one of the few sober people in the room I leaned back against the wall and wallowed in the energy of laughter and moans. Gloriously fun! I delight in the memory of partying with Randal Kinnear, Olivier Pratt and PupSparky at 2am in Dallas after the International Master and Slave Contest (during the always yummy South Plains Leatherfest) at IHOP. Oh, yes. Fun. Laughter. Funny people. Needles. Caning bois. Watching Lenny Bromberg and Donna Sachet banter; fun is a good reason!
Contests are about confidence. I thank many people for instilling in me a self confidence that allows me to stand up and take control of myself. The number one fear of most people is speaking in public. Some overcome the fear to stand up in front of one of the most scrutinizing publics in the world (oh, yes we are) and speak their piece. I don’t care if you are an activist or a party person getting up and talking about anything in front of 50-1,000 people is daunting. I, however, have no fear of speaking in public at all but expressing my sexuality through a fantasy was intimidating, scary and terrifying. I pushed through the fears related to my upbringing, what society says about fat women, my intellectualism and just did it. I did it. Confidence building becomes confidence modeling. If the ex-nun can strip, dance, get whipped and drag butches off stage with her cut off stockings you can bet she picked up on the confidence of all the people before her who exuded sexual and personal confidence. Ya. Baby. Thank you!
Contests are silly. I have never pranced in my life. Ever. Really. However, I have seen prancing ponies and Unicorns! The whole thing can be silly. Rio’s (First Runner up at Ms. San Francisco Leather) Gold Locks and the Three Bears fantasy was charmingly silly and hot. Silliness is not a bad thing. It is the ability to let go of the everyday seriousness of work, family, children, school and the mundane drolls of relationships for being with sexually radiant sluts. It is pure silliness to come to the Uniform Party as “Unicorns”. My experience of our community is that we are a cross section of political, social and gender structures of our society. We are a brilliant, talented, inspired, skillful, politically aware and serious community about sexuality. A giggle is an absolute and profound gift to all of us.
Contests are about showing up. The expectation to travel and spend lots of money is something that has come to be in the last few years. I don’t remember the pressure to travel being so important as it has been the last few years. I think this is much overblown. A huge percentage of us stay in our home cities and show up for one another locally. Most of us do not have the ability to travel extensively unless we chose to do it. I show up at places that feed me. We are social beings, even when people can be a pain in the ass, we still like to mingle. IMsL feeds me as a woman in Leather. Mr. San Francisco Leather feeds me as a local resident. ILSbCBB feeds my devotion to the importance of play and overt sexuality. Ms & Mr. Alameda County feeds my need to be a community activist and philanthropic. All of them require me to show up. I have great respect for our community’s ability to show up for one another. I don’t care if it is because we are cruising or raising dollars for AIDS showing up continues to be important.
Contests are about image. I hope I am not a representation of the perfect Leather person, because I have a real problem with expectations of perfectionism. The image of people standing up to fulfill their desires (whether self indulgent or not) is arousing to me. Educators, computer techies, actors, lawyers, social workers, police officers, printers, nurses, administrators, therapists, dog walkers are the image that Leather people show to me. The image-a- nation of us enthuses my need to live fully free from my warm heart and throbbing clit. Contests provide the atmosphere to shake my money maker. While overwhelming vanity can damage any personality, I can admit that I am a wee bit vain. We all are a wee bit vain. It is what makes us want to preen and shake our tail feathers and dance to wrangle some mating time. Self indulgent vanity is not what I want to project; the image I want to cast is about successful integration of my life. I do not put on my Leather, it is a part of me. So if I am playing croquet or flogging a back I am Leather. It is about imagining a view of power exchange that is integrated into the ordinary of life. It is about imaging our sexual self freely in an atmosphere of complete acceptance.
Contests are about ego. I have one. We all do. Mine is pretty damn healthy most of the time. The concept of ego comes from the big Daddy of Psychiatry, The Freud. The Freud is kinda The Donald of the Mind People. The Freud decided how the psyche works and he divided into three structured principles: id, ego and superego. So, the id is our pleasure principle…the unconscious need to get what pleasures you and avoid pain. The ego is the realization that, “Oh, wait. There is more than just me in the world. Damn! Yay! Damn!” The ego is our reality check. The Freud used it to mean how we function when we figure out we can’t just grab a dick and suck on it in public. Ego is the control, the judgment, the defense and the reality test for our need to get our pleasure on. The superego is the controller agent for the psyche it likes to absorb religious intolerance and apply it to all aspects of our life. It also strives to make us socially acceptable and to oppose instant selfish self gratification. So the ego is the balance. The ego’s job is to balance the need for self indulgent pleasure and the reality of social mores. So far my ego is doing a pretty good job although sometimes I have to admit it gets out of control and I let it cane some sweet ass and rub my nipples over the welts. Oh dear. Bad me. Everyone’s superego needs a bit of a spank now and again.
Contests are about service. We get to serve one another. Yes, we raise money for worthy causes but we get to live fully out in the moment and serve one another. It is kinda the BDSM D/s and Leather experience lived out loud. My experience of judges, contestants, producers, worker bees, big bad Tops and giggly girls is that we all serve one another’s ids. We are about the pleasure; pleasure to dominate, pleasure to serve, pleasure to indulge in the rituals of play and follow protocols of our own design. Being seen and watching us serve one another is as enchanting as watching Lamalani Matrix fantasy; they both feed us they both serve our pleasure centers. Service is about meeting someone’s needs. I have a need to watch hot happy laughing sexy people watch hot happy laughing sexy people strut, stomp, sashay, prance and dance across the stage. I call that serving my needs.
Contests are about risk. As I read the new Ms. SF Leather, Ms. Bethie Bee’s blog about coming out as kinky queer femme Leatherwoman Titleholder to her mother, I was touched and reminded of all of us who step out beyond societies sexual limitations and expectations. The minute we decide in our superego way to shape the ethics or politics of our generation by actually stepping out in public to support alternative sexualities in any form, it is risk. The risk of losing family, children, grandbabies, jobs, future jobs is very real to a title holder. Contestants are the face of being societies dirty little secret. By stepping out to fight bigotry, misunderstanding, outdated laws, and fully live our sexuality we are a revolutionary confirmation of determination and devotion to sexual freedom.
Deborah Isadora Wade is a fiery, flawed and fabulous femme. She is Ms. Alameda County Leather 2009, the current Producer of Northern California LeatherSir, Leatherboy and Community Bootblack and Mama’s Dragondancer. Deb has been part of the leather community for twelve years and part of the Queer community for 35 years. She is an adoring Momma, a delicious diva, a bossy and boisterous broad and a wee masochist. She lives with her family in Oakland CA and is an active member of the Bay Area Community.
Deborah, you are such an amazing writer - your words bring the experiences of my heart into print. I love how you describe contests as the celebration of our being kinky leather sex perverts. For me, the question of "who wins?" is almost beside the point. The point is our joy, our power, our sex, and our community. Thanks for expressing it so clearly.
Posted by: Rio | 02/14/2012 at 02:32 PM
I would agree with Olivier's comments and add as someone who has done a leather title and 25 years of leather service to my community in Vancouver,BC Canada,as well as being a professional Registered Nurse, and was involved in the planning,building and production of 3 subsequent contests, it does not give people the right to slander those who have walked the walk and did the charitable fund raising and dislodged many knives from our backs. 9 years after my leather title and fundraising for HIV in children, there are malcontents in communities everywhere who destroy the lives of credible people doing noble charitable work. I have my deepest respect for those who have the testicles or ovaries to run, then withstand the constant criticism from men and women 9-10 years late, who do not even know you, believe the lies and bullshit others tell them, and have the nerve to write stuff that is all made up and fabricated. Is it any wonder no one wants this kind of public scrutiny any more? Post title, I had a local send sex pics to my employer, I was wrongly accused of having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a student, that I had a substance use issue, and that I am a rotten person. I was cleared of any wrong doing because it was fabricated. The sad part is that people believe shit that gets made up and it destroys lives and careers post titles.
Posted by: Barney Hickey RN MSN, Mr. Vancouver Leather 2003 | 02/03/2012 at 06:43 PM
Brava! Brava! Brava!
Couldn't have said it better myself!
This is just one of the reasons we love you so much...
Posted by: Jack Pearce | 01/29/2012 at 03:26 PM
A rousing defense of contests! A kind of Contest Credo. Well and thoughtfully done, thanks.
Posted by: Patrick Mulcahey | 01/11/2012 at 09:32 AM
Brilliant, Fabulous and Insightful... just like you my darling.. Thank you for this positive view. Thank you for writing about contests from the point of view of someone who's actually competed in them AND won. Its very easy to bash something from the outside, its a lot harder to actually grow a set, get on stage and compete. Love you! xoxo
Posted by: Olivier Pratt | 01/11/2012 at 08:45 AM